


If I Lose Myself

by curiousscientistkae (orphan_account)



Series: Losing Myself [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, add characters as they show up, teen for later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 06:44:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17279042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/curiousscientistkae
Summary: Adora enjoys being She-Ra. She loves to help people and works hard to stop the Horde from hurting anyone else. She has grown use to being She-ra and for the most part, comfortable with the role. But she starts to notice something strange happening to her. As if her body has a mind of it's own when she is She-ra. It begins to worry her.





	If I Lose Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Okay i deleted this and yeah i just thought something messed up in the fic while I was posting it its all good now
> 
> anyway uh yeah so i made this into a chapter fic. The one-shot I did on this is attached to the fic but be warned, it is spoilery because it has what is going on in it. So read at our own risk. But yeah updates will be random as I have other fics to work on and my own irl job and life. But yeah, enjoy it. 
> 
> This chapter also was Beta by @ggungabyfish on tumblr

Adora stretches out as she wakes from her restful night's sleep. She sighs in relief as she hears some of her joints popping into place. Relaxing her body, Adora looks out the window near her bed. The sun has just started to rise above the horizon. A perk of being an early riser, you can watch the sunrise and enjoy the peace before everyone else is up. Though, that is the downside. Everyone else is still asleep. You have to busy time yourself.

Adora stares at the dark orange sky for a few more moments before slipping out of bed. Hating to stay still, she decides to go out to the courtyard and train before breakfast. Quickly, she gets dressed, grabs her sword, and heads outside. She is careful not to make too much noise and disturb anyone. Adora pases a few guards and gives them a small wave as she exits the castle.

It does not take long to reach her favorite area to train in. Here, she, Glimmer, and Bow set up some practice dummies and rigged some of them up to move around and fire arrows and other projectiles at you. It’s both great for team and solo practice. Adora sets up the timers to go off at different times. A few she programs to go off at random. Gotta stay on your toes, right?

Once everything is set up, Adora picks up her sword and transforms into She-ra. She runs over towards the other end of the courtyard and waits. Moments pass before the first dummy moves. It lunges forward, a sturdy pole in its hands. When it comes close, Adora blocks the attack. She then pushes the dummy back. It stays in place.

Another dummy jerks to life and launches arrows at her. Adora doges the attack and runs forward, slicing at the dummy. She hits it too hard and ends up breaking it in two.

_ Whoops. Gotta make a new one. Also gotta stop breaking them,  _ Adora thinks. She looks at the broken dummy for a moment before returning to training. Back and forth she goes between blocking attacks and throwing her own moves.

Everything is going smoothly. She starts to become a little cocky. Her defenses lower, not thinking much about what she is fighting. Adora thinks that she set the difficulty level too low and next time around should up the ante next time. What she doesn’t realize as she wonders this is dummy drawing near her. It lifts up a large stick above its head.

Something happens. Her body seems to sense this threat before she does and reacts for her. Quickly, she spins around, lifts up her sword, and blocks the attack just before it hits her. Adora is stunned at what she did. After a moment she pushes it back.

“What was that?” Adora asks herself. There have been plenty of times her body does something without warning, like her leg giving out at random her all of a sudden drops something for no reason. But this is...weird.

Adora reverts back to herself and ends the training session. She tells herself that her reaction was just a  _ reaction _ . Nothing to worry about. It did save her from getting a hit on the head after all, right? Still, something about that is not sitting right with her.

_ It was nothing, Adora. Just relax. Random stuff like that just happens,  _ she tells herself as she walks back into the castle. Over and over again, Adora repeats it in her mind. Slowly, she starts to believe in it. Any other thoughts remaining in her mind disappear when Glimmer suddenly teleports next to her and grabs her.

“There you are! I was wondering where you went,” Glimmer says.

“Sorry, Glimmer. I got up early and went to train a little bit,” Adora replies.

“Should have figured. C’mon on! We gotta go eat and then head off to one of the nearby villages. There are reports that they have been Horde activity near them so we gotta go see what’s up. And they would love to meet She-ra!”

“Okay, okay. Slow down. You’re awfully piper today, more so than usual.”

“Eh, I just am today. Don’t know why. Let’s go before any of the food gets cold. Bow is waiting for us at the dining hall.”

Adora rolls her eyes in amusement and follows Glimmer down the hall. They enter the dining room, meet up with Bow and go over today’s game plan, fill themselves up with food, before heading out of the castle to the village. It is a small hike to get their but no one minds. Walking through the Whispering Woods and chatting away with Glimmer and Bow makes Adora forget all about the strange occurrence this morning. It even brings a smile to her face.

The village they arrive at is on the smaller side. Quaint houses fill the clearing, children of all different ages run around playing tag or hide-and-seek as their guardians watch on, and other villagers tend to an assortment of chores. Some look up from their activities when they spot the arrival of newcomers. Many faces brighten up.

Adora has grown, mostly, use to people crowding around her, asking her if she is She-ra and if she is here to help them. Even as herself, the second they spot that sword sticking out from behind her back, they know who she is. Still, it can be overwhelming. She backs away a couple of feet as people ask her about being She-ra.

“In a little bit! I want to know how everything is going here first and then I’ll show you all She-ra, okay?” Adora tells them. She really needs a breather first before getting swarmed even more.

This seems to work and many of the villagers back away. A few stick around to inform her about recent events. Fear, they tell her, is all around the village as they hear noises from the woods that sound like the Horde closing in. Some scouts have gone out and not all of them come back. Those that do warn about the impending danger that the village is about to face. Ill-equipped for such an attack, they are grateful for Adora, Glimmer, and Bow coming to aid them.

“It is no big deal! We are here to help anyone in need and stop the Horde from causing anymore harm,” Bow says.

“Yeah, you can count on us!” Glimmer adds on.

“Thank you very much. We are in your debt,” one of the elders says. “We have heard many great things about you, She-ra, and what you and your friends have done. I am happy you all are here.”

“We should go scout around and see what’s up before anything happens. Better to scare them off now rather than sit and wait,” Adora says.

Glimmer and Bow nod and walk outside with Adora. A coward of people have formed, all still waiting to meet She-ra. Adora finally gives in and transforms into She-ra. People gawk at her as she walks by. They do so even as Adora and Glimmer and Bow leave the village and walk into the Whispering Woods.

Carefully, the trio make their way through the thicket, doing their best not to make a sound. Eventually the find what they are looking for. Another clearing. Though while the village seems to be naturally-made, this one is man-made. And Horde soldiers are wandering around. They have no idea that anything is amiss. Perfect for Adora, Bow, and Glimmer.

They split up and circle around the clearing. No one notices them. Not until the last possible moment. When a Horde soldier steps near the treeline. Glimmer pops out with no warning and knocks them unconscious. The other soldiers jump in surprise seeing their  comrade fall.

Taking the opportunity to use their shock against them, Bow and Adora charge out. One by one, they take them out. By the time the Horde soldiers regain their composure, the trio have the upper hand. Some try to fight back but others start to scramble away and pick up their fallen friends.

“You better stay away and not come back!” Glimmer shouts.

Adora watches as the soldiers run off but keeps her eyes on those who stay. Thankfully, this place does not seem to have a strong footing. Must have only recently started setting up shop by the time they got here.

Someone starts running towards her. Adora gears up for a quick fight. Whoever comes at her is on the stronger side and Adora is forced to block the attack. Adora manges to throw the soldier back. They stay on their feet, refusing to give up.

“Tough one, aren’t ya?” Adora says.

They don’t answer her. The soldier charges again. Adora gears up for an attack. They meet and at first everything goes well. She has the upper hand and is about to throw a hit to knock them out, keeping her eye on the punch that is coming at her. However, like earlier in the morning, she finds herself doing something else without thought. Her other arm moves to block the attack first before her own command goes through and she hits the soldier. They fall to the ground, hitting hard. The front of their helmet cracks. Quickly, the scramble to their feet and run off with the rest of the soldiers.

Adora stands still, watching them leave. She doesn’t want to move. How did that happen again? In a matter of hours no less? What is going on with her? Is she losing her mind? What is going on with her body?

Finally, she moves. First her fingers, then her hand, her arm, and the rest of her body. Every motion she does is done by her. There isn’t any sudden movements, her body doesn’t twitch without thought. Adora sighs.

_ It’s okay, Adora. Just relax. Don’t alert Glimmer and Bow. Breathe and think about it at home. Just don’t freak them out. _

She can’t let them know. She doesn’t want them to worry about something that can all be in her head. Adora especially doesn’t want Glimmer to worry after scaring her with infection, near memory eraser, and the time back at the temple. Besides, in the heat of a battle can do weird things. Maybe it is just that. Yeah, it’s just that. This doesn’t ease her mind. With everyone now gone Adora reverts back to her normal self.

“That sure was easy,” Glimmer says with a smile. “Hopefully they don’t come back anytime soon.”

She turns to Adora and spots her standing in the middle of the clearing. She uses her powers to teleport besides her friend and gently places a hand on Adora’s shoulders. “You okay?”

Adora looks at her. “Huh? Oh yeah! Yeah, I am. Just got lost in thought for a second.”

“About what?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it. We should finish up here, make sure there is nothing else to worry about, and then head back to the village. Tell them they don’t have to worry about anything for now.”

Adora doesn’t give Glimmer the chance to add anything on if she wants to. She starts to walk off and double check everything around her. Glimmer and Bow follow suit and when everything seems to be in the clear--no hidden Horde soldiers and no traps in sight--the trio head back off towards the village.

The walk back is quieter. Adora does her best to stay in the conversation going in but she occasionally drifts off. No matter how much she tries to shake what has occured today but it stays in the back of her mind, keeping her distracted. She hopes that the others haven’t taken any notice or don’t ask anything. 

When they return to the village, everyone cheers and once again surrounds Adora and the others. They thank them for helping them drive off the Horde. Adora, Glimmer, and Bow tell them that if anything pop ups again to inform them as soon as possible. Who knows if the Horde will return. Everyone has to be on their toes.

The three friends spend some time in village, enjoy the food and fun, before leaving and heading back to Brightmoon. By the time they return to the castle, the sun has started to set behind the horizon. 

Bow heads home while Adora and Glimmer enter the castle. As they head up the stairs to their rooms, Glimmer steps in from of Adora, stopping her.

“Hey, you alright? You seem a little off today.”

Adora pauses and thinks for a moment before answering. “I don’t really want to talk about it, if that’s alright.” She  _ isn’t  _ really lying when she says this.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I am. Kind of just want to go back in my room and just take a breather if that’s alright.”

“If that is what you want, okay. If you need anything or want to talk, don’t forget that I am right across the hall. You can come to me whenever, even if you have to wake me”

Adora smiles a little. “Thank you, Glimmer. I’ll keep that in mind.”

She bids Glimmer a good night and shuts her door behind her. Adora rests her sword on the wall before taking a seat on her bed to think. Thinks about if there have been any other times like this before to try and ease her mind.

The only time she possibly think of something that comes close to it was the second time she turned into She-ra. She was so sure of herself and what she was doing even though before transforming she felt the exact opposite. But yet even as she fell like she can do anything but was confused at the same time, she still was doing what she thought. It just felt...weird.  She definitely chalks that up to a ‘heat of the moment’ type thing. She just  _ acted _ . This is different. Granted, that  _ was _ the second time she turned into She-ra so what was she really supposed to feel?

Adora sighs and lays down on her bed. She tells herself again and again that it is nothing. But something inside of her is telling her otherwise. She can’t figure out what that something is though.

Adora shuts her eyes and attempts to fall asleep. She tosses and turns in her bed, unable to find a comfortable spot. It takes a while for her drift off into some sort of sleep but even then she finds it far from peaceful. She finds herself waking up every now and then before falling back asleep. When Adora finally wakes up fully, she finds that the sun has risen before her. Great way to start her day.


End file.
